Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category

Mar
29
2011

Two Drifters, Off to See the World

I love the notion of a time capsule, though I’ve never participated in compiling one.  I have a “memory box” in my closet, containing birthday cards, movie tickets, photographs, and a smattering of other odd mementos from plastic-ware to VCR parts that hold meaning to (almost) no one but me.  Even so, my greatest memories are stored in the more vivid, but less tangible “time capsule” of my mind, where they await the opportunity to reminisce with me over the past.

Last weekend, the weather was finally showing signs of spring, and I took my friend Andrea up on the offer to go for a drive.  She picked me up in her Mustang and with our sunglasses on and the windows down, we hit the open road.  I have been friends with her longer than anyone else, as we started playing together before we were out of diapers.

When you’ve been friends with someone for almost thirty years, you’ve certainly seen a lot of changes.  As kids, Andrea preferred to stay inside, reading a book, while I was trying to outrun, outlast, and out-maneuver the boys outside in the yard.  Now, she goes camping and mud-bogging while I tend to stay inside, listening to music and scrapbooking photographs.  I jump at any chance to travel somewhere new, but she savors the small town life.  She sings along to country radio, and I talk endlessly about my latest indie-folk-rock discoveries.  The simple fact of the matter is that we don’t have a lot in common anymore.  For a while, I really struggled with that.  It didn’t seem right that, after so many years, our paths should diverge and go separate ways.

Yet, something occurred to me as we were in that car, headed toward the town where we both grew up:  whoever we are now and whoever we become, we have a never-ending bond.  We found ourselves driving down back roads we hadn’t ridden since we were sixteen, laughing about how we used to stop at Goode Store every day for Doritos and Mountain Dew on our way home from school, and remembering how ridiculous I’d look when I put on a pair of her big sunglasses over my prescription glasses to keep from squinting into the sun.  Back then, we’d surf the stations and debate over which boy band was better.  This time, we listened to a mix I made, full of music intended to bridge the gap between her taste and mine.

Our day together was not meant to be a trip down memory lane, but it did serve as a great reminder of what makes a friendship.  As kids, our friendship grew out of proximity.  In our teen years, we were probably as much alike as two people might ever hope to be.  As adults, though, our friendship doesn’t rely on either of those things.  Now, we are friends because we are interested in one another, whether or not our individual interests overlap, and that is a stronger connection than the ephemeral things of this world can offer.  This is a journey that has carried us through our lives thus far, and I am only left to wonder where it will lead us next.  Wherever that is, I am sure we have not shared the last of those back roads.

Posted in Personal | 1 Comment »

Dec
16
2010

I Thought That I Could Make It a Day Without My Heavy Heart

I am semi-stranded in a hotel in Bristol, TN, off on another adventure.  I must admit that I felt a bit defeated when I had to stop and get a room – defeated enough that I was in tears when I went to the front desk to inquire about the rate.  The lady gave me the lowest possible rate, encouraged me about the rising temperatures in the morning, and assured me I had done the right thing by stopping.

You see, I was supposed to be at home right now, finishing up my packing and preparing for a good night’s sleep before the 8-hour drive from home to Nashville.  This morning, however, the weather report told me that if I waited until morning to leave, I would be driving in ice and snow.  So, I had to leave today, but I didn’t have time to make it to Nashville before the storm arrived there.  My only option was to drive halfway tonight, stop before running into the storm, and then resume my trip tomorrow when the roads cleared.

A friend I have not seen or talked to in years kindly (and without hesitation) agreed to give me a place to stay for the night when I reached Knoxville.  I left home as soon as I possibly could today, and seemed to be on track to beat the storm.  But, I was still two hours away from Knoxville when my friend called to tell me the ice had begun.  Not willing to risk it, I stopped in Bristol for the night.  Even so, it is not lost on me that I had someone so willing to welcome me into her home for the night.

Now, relaxing in my pajamas, I feel much better about everything.  I even got a call about an hour ago from the girl who has offered me her guest room in Nashville for the weekend.  We’ve never met, and never spoken until this day.  But, my friend Kelli knew her in college, asked her if she would let me stay, and she agreed.  Then, she actually called me to make sure everything was OK and give me an update on the weather and say she was looking forward to my arrival.

Today, I have seen the kindness of old friends and of strangers.

Right now, I am extremely thankful that I grabbed my laptop on my way out the door today, and that I decided to go to the grocery store instead of an ATM to get cash, which means I bought a 2 liter of Caffeine Free Diet Coke and got cash back with my debit card.  So, I am having a solo slumber party.  On my way to the hotel, I spotted a Fazoli’s, so I got to fulfill a craving I’ve had since the one in Lynchburg closed down about five years ago.  Now, I have all my luggage strewn about the room as much as possible, since there’s no one here to be affronted, and I have eight pillows to myself.  This hotel room has a TV, but since I am the only one here, it will sit there, unused and unloved, and could be broken for all I care.  Meanwhile, Diet Coke at my side, I have already watched two episodes of Friday Night Lights on Netflix streaming, caught up on my RSS feed, and laughed uproariously at a few YouTube videos.  I have also had occasion to stop and consider the circumstance in which I find myself…

I am determined to reach Nashville because my friend and favorite musician, Levi Weaver, is playing his new album from start to finish with a full band tomorrow night at The Darkroom.  This will serve as a CD release party of sorts.  I have been a fan of his since before he released his first (solo) EP, wiped tears from my eyes as I watched him play a stellar opening set for Imogen Heap, and gone back to his songs over and over again to marvel at his talent, his heart, and his uncanny ability to speak the truth in song.  Now, he’s about to release his 2nd full-length album, and I am going to be there for that.  I also will finally get to meet his wonderful wife and probably get a little teary-eyed at the sight of his sweet baby boy.

The mere ability to be part of any of that is enough reason to feel incredibly blessed.  Add to that the fact that I will also be meeting two more new faces at tomorrow’s show – other Levi fans who are making treks even further than mine to be in Nashville for this event.  We already share a bond through Levi, but tomorrow we get to look each other in the eye and be inspired by art and friendship.

I should be arriving in Nashville by about 5:00 tomorrow.  I have about four and a half or five hours ahead of me on the drive, and the temperatures here should be well above freezing by noon.  And since the warm temperatures (like the ice storm) are coming in from the West, the closer I get to Nashville tomorrow, the warmer it will be.

So, I have ahead of me a good night’s sleep and a continental breakfast, and then I’ll be back in the car again.  The car, by the way, isn’t even mine.  Topping the list of the many blessings in my life, my best friend insisted I take her car on my trip.  It’s newer, was just fully checked over, gets great gas mileage, tells me the temperature outside…aaaand it has heated seats.  So, not only was she willing to relinquish her car for five days, she was willing to let me drive it to another state in the midst of winter weather warnings.  If you say you have a better friend than that, I will demand concrete evidence.

So, I may have arrived here in tears, but when I get back on the road tomorrow and resume my trip playlist, it will be with a thankful heart.  I guess that lends some merit to the age-old cliché about the blessings of the journey and not just of the destination.

Posted in General, Music, Personal, Travel | 2 Comments »

Feb
18
2010

I’m Just Saying “Hi” to Your Answering Bell

This blog is in response to my old high school chum Candace’s “Top Ten Tuesday” blog of questions.  I have been a sucker for those little internet surveys since back when people knew what “LOL” meant and actually used it accordingly.  So, it did not take much persuasion to get me to answer these ten probing questions.

And, if anyone is actually reading this, feel free to join in the fun and answer the questions in the comments here or on Candace’s blog, or even on your own blog.  Just send me a link so I can read all about it.

1. What would you call yourself if you could choose your own name?

When I was little, I wanted a name with a “Q” in it.  Like “Jacqueline.”  I’m over that now.  Amanda is a good name.  It means “worthy of love,” which obviously I am.  (In no language does it mean “humble.”)

2. What was your worst date (as in going out on a date, not an actual calendar date…unless you have a really bad one to share)?

I’d probably do better at coming up with a bad calendar date.  I’ve never done the whole, “hey, we just met, let’s go on a date” thing to have a really bad experience.  All my dates have been with men who already knew me well enough by that point not to mess it up.  There was once, however, that I accidentally agreed to go on a date with someone I had no interest in outside of our already-enjoyable friendship.  I thought we were just hanging out per the usual until he broke it down for me like so:  “You do understand that I meant this was a date, right?”  Enter the horror – the panic – the awkward-ness.  But, not wanting to offend, I went on the date anyway, and so began an interesting three years in the life of Amanda.

3. If you had to teach one subject in high school or college, what would it be?

Creative Writing, perhaps?  Maybe a course on Common Sense?  (And I don’t mean Thomas Paine.)

4. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?

It is definitely rare for me to turn laughter into tears.  I laugh so hard that I snort, squeal, or make a strange high-pitched noise that only dogs can hear, but I generally do not cry.

5. What is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for you?

I think I have seen too many kind gestures in my life to single out only one.  But the greatest measure of kindness seems to come not in the grandiose gestures but in the ordinary, everyday occurrences of friendship.  Fortunately for me, my best friend Jessica is also without a doubt the kindest person I have ever known.  She has shown it in the big things, but more importantly, in the small things.  She keeps Caffeine Free Diet Coke on hand for when I visit.  My favorite shows take up copious amounts of space on her TiVo.  She makes herself mix CDs full of Levi Weaver, Derek Webb, and Ryan Adams, just so she will be familiar with the music that makes me tick.  She keeps up with our TGIFriday’s lunch cards because she knows I won’t remember to get them stamped.  She thinks my Daddy’s pickles are awesome.  Having her a double-click away on AIM saves my sanity most days, and knowing her makes my life better by association.

6. If money or skill-set was no issue, what would you love to do for a living?

Nothing!  If money was no issue, then I suppose I would just travel the world, taking pictures, writing, and scrapbooking along the way.  If skill-set was no issue, then I probably wouldn’t have a problem snagging a hot and rich husband to facilitate such travels and maybe even to carry my luggage.

7. What is one thing as an adult/parent/spouse you do that you swore you would never do?

I will have to get back to you once I become a parent or a spouse or finally succumb to the drudgery of adulthood.

8. If you could go back to one particular time in your life (not to live, not to change anything, just to visit) when would it be?

I’m a “live for the moment” type, but if you insist, I’d like to revisit that awesome breakfast Jessica and I ate at the Pancake Pantry in Nashville in March of last year.  Man, that was tasty.  Plus, that trip was all in the name of a Ryan Adams concert, and I wouldn’t mind reliving those three hours of pure awesome, either.  Mmmm.  Chocolate Chip Pancakes and Ryan Adams.  Both delicious.

9. If your walls could talk, what would they say about you (good & bad)?

“Her pajamas are sexy but her dance moves are not.”

10. If you could fix or put an end to one problem in the world what would it be?

Stupidity.  I know I should be all noble and say something like hunger or AIDS or human trafficking, but think about it.  Eliminate stupidity and that would fix it all.

Posted in Personal | 1 Comment »

Apr
30
2009

Maybe I’m Not Up For Being a Victim of Love

I am usually not big on telling all my business.  Hence, my blog is typically rife with humorous anecdotes or general opinions about life, but I rarely dispel my innermost thoughts and feelings.  Back when the “25 Random Things” bit was making the rounds on Facebook, I did my part for the fad and contributed my list, wherein I confessed the following:

 

18.  I filled out the free eHarmony personality profile to see what it would say about me, only to realize later that the only thing it really said was: You are alone.

 

Jessica, Kelli, and perhaps a few others knew that I did that (prior to me posting it on Facebook, obviously), and Kelli even helped me fill the thing out.  Everybody had been prodding me to sign up for eHarmony – you know, since I’m single and approaching ancient – but I resisted the peer pressure.  So, to quell the protests, I filled out the profile, had an emotional breakdown, and then forgot all about it a few days later.

 

Then, just before Valentine’s Day weekend, eHarmony started emailing me like crazy to advertise their “Free Communication” weekend.  On those few days, people who are not members (i.e. have not shelled out their life savings to eHarmony) can talk to their “matches” for free.  You still can’t see pictures unless you pay, but you can at least talk to other people.

 

For those who are unaware, let me give a little rundown on how eHarmony basically works:

 

·          You fill out your Personality Profile (which is free, as I mentioned) and answer about a million questions about yourself.  It’s mostly “on a scale of 1 to 10” kind of stuff, and some sections ask you to select from a list of adjectives or qualities that describe yourself or how you think others see you.  You also answer questions like, “how often do you drink/smoke/etc.?” followed by how often you would accept those things in a prospective match.  You can even select which religions you’d be OK getting matched with, and you can narrow that down to particular denominations if you choose.  You choose an age range, and how far you’re willing to go for love (100 miles, a particular state or group of states, or even which countries, up to the whole world).  These answers go into some kind of compatibility algorithm, and you start to get “matched.”  Since I wasn’t really seriously considering it, I set my parameters to the whole world, and I had to turn matching off because I was getting so many emails.

 

·         Once you decide to peruse your matches, you immediately see names, ages, and locations.  Then, you can click on a link to go and view that person’s profile and any pictures they have uploaded (providing you are a paying member, of course).  Some of the answers from the personality profile are automatically loaded in, like “The Four Things Your Friends Say About You” or “What are three of your best life-skills?”  Others are sections that you actually have to fill in, like a questionnaire (i.e. “What are you most passionate about?”, “What are the three things for which you are most thankful?” “What is the first thing people notice about you?”, “Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed?” and so on.)

 

·         If you decide this person strikes your fancy, then you can communicate.  (If not, you close the match and choose a reason why from the list.  Just don’t put “Other” as your reason, because I’m pretty sure that means, “I think you’re butt-ugly.”)  If you do communicate, you have your choice of “Guided Communication” or a “Fast Track.”  With “Fast Track,” you basically just jump right into sending emails back and forth (on the eHarmony server).  Most users have their preference listed as “Guided Communication,” which means that you begin by choosing 5 multiple choice questions from a list to send to your match.  If they respond, you can read their responses and then answer their 5 questions in return.  After that, you go into essay-type questions, and then on to email.  There are options for a secure phone call, too, where you can talk to your matches without divulging your personal contact information.  At any point during the communication, if you decide this isn’t the one for you, you can close the match and give your multiple-choice reason.  The other person then has an opportunity to send one final communication, and that’s the end of it.  Nice and tidy.

 

Now, during the free communication weekend, I was just tinkering around, so I sent out the 5 questions to everybody on my match list (unless their profile was particularly heinous).  I got some responses, but there’s not a lot you can do in two days unless you happen to be communicating with someone who lives on their computer.  I was at my apartment on Sunday night (and the free communication cut off at midnight), so I checked eHarmony via my cell phone.  Someone was trying to communicate with me, so I played along and realized that you can really fly through the guided communication in an hour or so if you’re both online, but given the nature of the questions, you really don’t know anything more about the person than you did when you read the profile.  In the emailing stage, it was about 5 minutes till midnight, so I told the guy that I was not a member and had no intention of becoming one.  He asked how he could contact me, and I gave him my IM screen name.

 

WELL.  By Monday morning when he IMed me (and bear in mind that we’d only just “met” at about 10pm on Sunday), he was ready to ride off into the sunset.  More particularly, he was ready to drive up to Virginia (from about 3 hours away in NC) to spend time with me.  Oh!  And he wondered if it would be OK if he stayed with me.  Naturally, I said “yes, by all means” and we were married on Tuesday and have been living secretly happily ever after for these last few months.

 

Either that, or I turned to Kelli and said, “Holy crap.  This dude is freakin’ insane.  What am I supposed to do now?”  She suggested I tell him that he’s a psycho and this is why he couldn’t get a girl, and while she is usually the more tender-hearted one in our office, I felt bad about the prospect of hurting his feelings.  So, I tried to back him off gently by saying I wasn’t in any hurry and that, in all my previous relationships, things had developed very slowly from friendship to something more, and I felt that was the best way.  He did not see the point of that at all, but it still took me a few days to shake him off completely.  (It was like “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” – I kept acting crazier and crazier, and yet he would not be moved.)  I think I finally convinced him I was a hopeless commitment-phobic and he wished me good luck in the future and moved on to the next unsuspecting soul.

 

That was the end of my eHarmony experience for a while.  Kelli and Jessica did not want me to be deterred.  They both said I just so happened to get one of the few crazy people, and I should not let that discourage me.  Nevertheless, I remained skeptical and disinterested.  Then, I got another of those eHarmony “You know you’re lonely and hopeless, so please sign up” emails.  This one offered a very steep discount for a month-long membership.  (Ordinarily, you could probably purchase a spouse from overseas for less than the cost of a membership to eHarmony.)

 

Without telling anyone, I decided to check out eHarmony for a month at the discounted rate.  Partly, I was curious about how it worked.  And partly, I was afraid that everybody was right and I was destined to find the love of my life on this stupid website, and that if I didn’t try it, I would indeed become the old maid my mother has always insisted I would be.  I didn’t tell anyone because, for one, I didn’t really want to have to explain that I failed miserably, and for two, if I did happen to meet someone, I would not have told a soul about that until three weeks after the wedding.  And then I would have concocted some grandiose story about how we met that had absolutely nothing to do with the internet.

 

The timing of my experiment was a bit unfortunate.  Given the complete disintegration of every seemingly-stable marriage around me, my general outlook on love and happily-ever-after was pretty jaded.  So, essentially, I figured I was looking for which guy I would most like to rip my heart out and stomp on it.

 

I significantly reduced the distance I was willing to go to meet these folks, but my number of matches was still overwhelming, since I rarely logged in to check them.  So basically, I decided that I would look at profiles as time allowed, but I was not going to be proactive about contacting any of them.  After all, as Stu Weber wrote, “Masculinity means initiation,” and I most certainly cannot be with some timid little girly-man.  So, I decided that, for me, if these men didn’t have the gumption to initiate communication with me, then I did not desire to talk with them.

 

Unfortunately, most of the men who did contact me were not ones I wanted to talk to, based on their profiles.  Not to worry, when I closed the matches, I said it was because I was “pursuing another relationship,” because I figured that’s the least disheartening of the choices.  After all, they just got there a little too late, right?  And technically, I am pursuing another relationship – it’s just not with them, and not in the near future.

 

My little experiment did serve to reinforce the realization that I am a very picky person.  My friends tease me about it, but seriously – it takes me months of deliberation to buy a new pair of shoes, so how much more difficult is it going to be for me to find a man I really think I could stand to be around FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?  That is a really long time.  (At least I hope it is.)

 

For one thing, if the profile was full of misspelled words and bad grammar, they were pretty much getting the axe.  Everybody who knows me knows how I feel about that kind of thing anyway, but it’s not like I refuse to be friends (or more) with people who don’t excel in that area.  What I do take issue with is that this online profile is the one and only way that this person is introducing themselves to me.  It would be like getting a job resume with misspelled words and grammatical errors – there is no sense in that.  So, needless to say, the guy who wrote, “I am not conceded, but I am confident,” was not on the top of my list.  Same goes for the man who had “a since of accomplishment.”

 

There were also profiles written in ALL CAPS WHICH IS TOTALLY ANNOYING AND COMPLETELY LACKING IN ETIQUETTE and others who apparently had a broken “Shift” key.  Why would you not even capitalize your name, for goodness’ sake?!?

 

I was also less than impressed by profiles where every essay-style answer was covered in just a few words – maybe not even a full sentence.  The idea is to get a little snapshot of the person’s personality – a point which some of the men obviously missed.  For example, “Gonna have to find out” is not an acceptable answer to any question on the eHarmony profile.

 

Despite the simple human instinct that we all have (myself included), I tried not to do too much “judging a book by the cover” once I could see the profile pictures.  Still, I scoffed at the people who uploaded (as their one and only profile picture) a group shot of ten people.  I could barely see anyone, and even if I could, how was I supposed to know which was the guy?  I am pleased to say that I did not run across any profiles where the person googled for “male model” to swipe a photo.  And any guys who posted gratuitous pictures of themselves flexing in a mirror definitely went on the Heck No List.  As for the 30-year old (yes, I said 30!) whose only photo was his high school senior picture, bow-tie and all…I mean, really?  Seriously?  That’s the best picture you could come up with?

 

As far as the rest of the profiles, some things raised my red flags and sent some men to the chopping block.  For instance, if the last “book” you read and enjoyed was Maxim, you are probably not the man for me.  I also have no desire to date a “huge Journey fan” whose favorite books are that Obama book and “Marley and Me.” REALLY?!?

 

Any profile that contained the word “golf” more than ten times was a no-go.  To the guy who said “I will rock your socks off,” I say, “No, indeed you will not.”  I rolled my eyes at Mr. “Live while you love, love while you live.”  And I wasn’t terribly excited to get to know the guy who kept talking about his “brother from another mother.”

 

Another common point of contention:  While I may have had my doubts about men who listed Van Halen or “My big screen TV named Bob” under the 5 Things they couldn’t live without, I could at least appreciate the honesty, even if I questioned their life choices.  However, I do not understand why SO many “5 things” lists read like this:

 

1.        God

2.       Jesus

3.       The Holy Spirit

4.       Prayer

5.       Church

 

Ho-kay.  So you’re a big ol’ Christian.  Good for you.  I think that is somewhat inherent in this whole eHarmony thing, but hey – I definitely want someone who is firm in their faith.  I do NOT, however, want a guy who is so obviously beefing up his profile with as much religious mumbo jumbo as possible, in the hopes that will increase his chances of getting a girl.  There was plenty of room in the other questions to make it clear that God was my top priority.  I didn’t answer every single question to show how pious I am – I answered them to give a little bit of insight into who I am as a person beyond that.  For comparison, my five things I “can’t live without” were listed as follows:

 

1.       Music (and an iPod to hold it all)

2.       TV on DVD

3.       My car

4.       Water bottles (which I refill and freeze)

5.       Pasta

 

Sure, I can’t live without God, much like I can’t live without oxygen and my brain and a million other common sense answers.  I just didn’t feel the need to say that in every other sentence.  It has been my general experience that people who do nothing but talk about how holy they are ALL THE TIME are really anything but, and I have had enough false piety to last a lifetime.

 

When my month was over, I was honestly relieved to be done with it.  I felt as though I had checked something off my to-do list.  So, the next time someone suggests I try eHarmony (or the like), I can say “been there, done that” and know I’m not missing anything.

 

My friends tell me that God is not going to send the man of my dreams to my front door wrapped in a bow with a card that says “From: God,” but hey — He could if He wanted to!  And while I do not expect anything that obvious, I guess God will send the right person along when it’s the right time.  I do sometimes worry that it will never be the right time, but I guess that doesn’t exactly help anything, does it?

 

All of my previous relationships have come as a huge shock to me, and in every case, God was in control and I learned a lot about myself through those experiences.  I also learned that there are some really great guys out there, because I’ve dated some of them, and I am certainly not going to downgrade!

 

I am sure that many people have gone on to find great happiness at eHarmony, and I am thrilled for them.  (Provided, of course, that they do not come anywhere near me with their sickening lovey-dovey crap.)  It just so happens that eHarmony is not the solution for me.  I have a better chance of finding the man of my dreams gift-wrapped at my front door.

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Apr
08
2009

How Do You Keep Love Alive?

“I guess I have the gift that everyone speaks so highly of –

funny how nobody wants it.”

 

I have that “gift” of single-ness that Derek Webb spoke of in that song, and most of the time, I don’t want it either. Lately, though, I’ve had a paradigm shift in my perspective on love.

 

Namely, it sucks.

 

I’ve grown pretty comfortable with the single life and the freedom that comes with it. I don’t have to worry about anybody else’s junk in my apartment, and I don’t have to clear my schedule with anyone if I decide to take off to New York on the spur of the moment. That seems like a pretty fair trade for having to take out my own trash and buy my own dinner.

 

I have always planned to get married, as that is what people do, and I guess it would be nice to have someone to go with me on those last-minute trips, or to care about what kind of day I’m having.

 

However, I do not relish the thought that I could find my so-called “soulmate,” get married, and maybe even start a family just in time for my husband to decide he doesn’t love me anymore and wants his own life back.

 

If the national divorce rate is 50%, I feel like it must be at least 75% within my circle of friends. Just today another friend of mine showed up to tell me about his impending divorce. Is it something in the air? Is the economic downturn bad for marriage? Are people from my generation just so used to having their own way that they are too selfish to share their lives with another person?

 

I don’t know what it is – but I know I don’t want any part of it.

 

Each situation is a little different.

 

There’s the couple that never should’ve gotten married in the first place, because they didn’t bother getting to know each other, so when the lovey-dovey feeling wore off, she just tossed him aside like last week’s leftovers to go find that “feeling” again.

 

Then, there’s the loud-mouthed tramp who should be thanking her lucky stars that she managed to land a guy who was always way too good for her – but that would probably detract from the time necessary to cheat on him with his best friend.

 

Or, the real kicker – the true horror story – the couple that goes together like meat and potatoes and have every plausible reason to live happily ever after, but instead are living across town from each other, alone.

 

That’s only a few examples. And two-thirds of those probably never should have gotten married in the first place. (In fact, I’m having flashbacks of “Please, please, whatever you do, do not marry that girl.” But people do what they want, and hey, I tried, right?) The point is – they’re married now. And last time I checked, marriage isn’t one of those things you can switch on and off like a light switch. Or it bloody well shouldn’t be.

 

For example, if you’re not even divorced yet, you probably shouldn’t go ahead and change your name back on Facebook, switch your status to “single,” and start fishing for your next victim.

 

I’m sorry you don’t “feel” like you’re in love anymore. I really am. I’m sorry you didn’t get the memo that love is not a feeling, and that while your mushy-gushy crap may last for a few years, eventually you have to make a decision to love someone for better or for worse. Marriage doesn’t come with a money-back guarantee, and there is no such thing as a do-over. In fact, if you’re not happy now, statistics (and common sense) will tell you that your next romantic foray will only lead to even greater unhappiness and an even faster divorce.

 

So here’s a novel idea. Maybe you shouldn’t get married until you’re actually ready. And by ready, I mean, willing to turn in your “me” card and put someone else first instead. Then maybe, if you’re having problems, you can turn to the person who knows you and loves you best in the world, instead of turning away from them. You can actually stand by your promises instead of bailing out.

 

I’m not going to lie. I think some of these offending parties deserve what’s coming to them. If you cheat on your husband after you’ve already treated him like the dirt on the bottom of your shoe for years, then yeah, I hope you are miserable. For others though, I am sad to think about the day they realize that they’re alone and have lost the people they love most in the world – and may not even know why.

 

As for me, thank God I’m alone. Thank God my heart, unlike so many others around me, is still in one piece. Thank God I’m not facing any decisions that are going to haunt me for the rest of my life. And thank God that tomorrow He’ll probably send me a reason to keep believing in true love.

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